plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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