Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
