the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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