I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
