and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
