Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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