what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
