i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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