My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and she was petting her beer can
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
