I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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