If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Text me some of your sweat
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