I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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