she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
