and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
