Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize