She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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