all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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