Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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