dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
