im drinking this country out of the recession.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
