Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
