You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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