I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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