Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
