i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
