your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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