I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
