i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
