This is not my ceiling
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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