I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
