My sheets look like a crime scene.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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