but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
