I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I love having hate sex.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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