you win again, gameday.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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