Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
