Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
