he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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