This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
