i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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