I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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