i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
