RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
