We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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