why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
