Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
True strength comes from lack of pants
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
