this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
