had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
