he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
