I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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