you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize