Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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