So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize