i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
