Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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