my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Two words: blizzard sex
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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