Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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