Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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