remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
