How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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