Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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