1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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