you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
