Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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