ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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