i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
