i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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