We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
