I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
