covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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