I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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